Where do you lie on the monarchist spectrum?

On a scale of one to ten, one being the least supportive (fanatically against) and ten being the most supportive (fanatically for), what following statement best summarizes your attitude and belief in the monarchy? (Note to readers that I have personally assigned myself a score of 8.7, somewhere between devout Anglophile and High Church Tory.)

1.0 Latent Anti-Monarchist: The British Crown is an intolerable relic and an embarrassing reminder of our colonial past. The institution offends me deeply because it is racist, undemocratic and historically oppressive, having subjugated or killed millions of people at the height of its imperial crime. I have an instinctive and reflexive hatred for the monarchy and would like nothing better than to send Mrs. Windsor packing. I need the monarchy like I need a hole in the head.

2.0 Carping Republican: The monarchy is a ludicrously outdated genetic lottery and a colossal waste of my taxes. It is a completely ridiculous, cringe-inducing soap opera about a family of rich dullards who look like horses. All arguments in support of this colonial hangover can be boiled down to sentimental traditionalism or self-justifying poppycock. When are we going to ditch the foreign Queen and finally grow up?!!

3.0 Levelling Modernist: I have a profound distaste for snobbery and all forms of hierarchy. The monarchy goes against equality and runs counter to modern values such as democracy, diversity and human rights. I feel sorry for the Queen and her family for the unnatural, fish bowl life that they are forced to endure to satisfy the parading appetite of pompous monarchists. The royals are victims. I want to free them from the hell of monarchy.

3.5 Radical Whig: Hereditary monarchy is anachronistic and the Queen is constitutionally and politically useless. I'm an enlightened republican who fervently believes we need an elected president who can legitimately check the legislative and executive power of the prime minister. I also believe we need a head of state who truly represents the citizens of our country and the nation abroad. The Queen is not above politics and cannot be the focus of national unity because the monarchy itself is a divisive political issue.

4.0 Chardonnay Republican: I am basically a morally superior elitist with ironic resentment and contempt towards the monarchy. Even though the whole institution runs contrary to my philosophical goals, Her Majesty is a lovely lady and I crave the spotlight of her company over a glass of Chablis. I make the common mistake of evaluating the monarchy against my own little world, but if I can portray my base instincts and republican agenda as moral superiority and be exalted as a commoner's demigod in the process, my social and intellectual needs are met.

4.5 Crypto-Republican: I am the eternal optimist who believes a republic is inevitable. I have to be coy about revealing my true intentions when attempting to provoke a public debate about the monarchy because I often work in the media. But you can usually spot my mischief as I like to wrap my bias in a cloak of fairminded evenhandenness by asking the neverending question: Is the monarchy still relevant?

4.9 Ignoramus: We have a Queen? If that is true, then I support getting rid of it.

5.0 Couch Potato: Who cares, the monarchy is irrelevant. Royal visits intoxicate me with boredom. I wouldn't lift a finger to defend it, nor would I agitate to replace it. When it comes right down to it, the monarchy just doesn't matter.

5.5 Milquetoast Monarchist: I know the monarchy is good for tourism, but I don't really follow it all that much. To me, the monarchy is just a symbol and essentially harmless. I suppose if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

6.0 Royal Watcher: I am not a monarchist per se, just fascinated by royalty. The Queen is the single-best argument for keeping the monarchy alive. I love the fabulous hats she wears, and I can't wait for the next royal wedding. I have a crush on Prince Harry.

6.5 Crypto-Monarchist: I am uncomfortable to admit as much, but I am a monarchist. I have serious misgivings about dumping the monarchy, but because there is something inherently silly in defending the fantasy of being ruled by kings and queens, I either remain quiet or meekly conform with republican assumptions. Sorry, but I have a day job and must maintain appearances.

7.0 Traditionalist: The monarchy is part of our tradition and I strongly support keeping it, much as I would an old vintage wine. If we were a republic, then I would probably support that, but we have never been a republic. Every nation and every people must subscribe to a history which collectively defines its substance. We stand at the end of a proud tradition, stretching back into the mists of time. You could no more remove the monarchy from Britain than you could remove winter from Canada. Blessed are those societies whose institutions endure long enough to become "anachronistic."

7.5 Constitutionalist: We are the proud legal heirs to centuries of peaceful constitutional evolution. I declare my allegiance to custom, convention and continuity, even in reform, and joyfully receive the rights of free Englishmen guaranteed us by Her Majesty our Queen, under Magna Carta and the Act of Settlement. I affirm that the civil and religious rights guaranteed by them lie at the heart of our national life. I uphold the role of the pillars of social order; that is, Her Majesty the Queen, the Police, the Armed Forces, and the other agents of the civil government in its proper, limited sphere. I further affirm that the great duty of a nation is to preserve its unique identity as defined by its culture, its traditions, and its heritage.

8.0 Fervent Loyalist: In an era of self-involved celebrities spewing mind-numbing moral relativism, the Queen is a true icon – one who hails from a time before radical individualism took over as the guiding principle of our age. Stoic, tactful, duty-bound and utterly self-contained, she is the human embodiment of an absolutist ideal. In a world without manners, the monarchy represents style, grace, virtue, honourable tradition and loyalty to noble values. God Save the Queen!

8.5 Devout Anglophile: I'm a Churchillian, a supporter of the British Commonwealth and a loyal subject of Her Majesty. I believe sincerely that the binding, defining and inspiring power of the monarchy is indissolubly linked with the pomp and ceremony of the institutions of Great Britain, its Crown, and their associated grandeur. If these British Royal associations are removed or alienated, our institutions will cease to have the same fundamental meaning, merit, prestige, gravitas and intrinsic power. The British Monarchy is the link between the Motherland and her many outposts, independent, yet always united, in culture, law, language, sport and love of our collective Queen.

9.0 High Church Tory: I am the archetypal aristocratic conservative with the manners and style of a true gentleman. As a classically-educated believer in high culture, I am suspicious and cool towards democracy and have an entrenched dislike of contemporary popular culture. My whole ethos can be summed up with the phrase God, King and Country. Although fiercely loyal to Her Majesty who is a Christian Prince, I strongly sympathize with Jacobitism and divine monarchist ideals. The monarchy is more than an ancient glory, it is a sacred trust.

9.5 Staunch Jacobite: The House of Windsor are German usurpers and not the rightful kings of Britain. The Revolution of 1688 was not glorious, it was a Whig heresy, an Orange conspiracy and a Dutch invasion of Britain with the consent of a treacherous, anti-Catholic Parliament. By deposing the legitimate hereditary sovereign through a coup d'etat and unlawfully circumscribing the monarch's power, Parliament has steadily increased its influence at the expense of the Crown and the natural equilibrium between monarchy, aristocracy and democracy has been irretrievably lost. Thanks to mass democracy, we now live in a collective dictatorship. Long live the memory of Bonnie Prince Charlie!

10. Royal Absolutist: I believe in divine right and the natural power of kings. The character of Kings is sacred; their persons are inviolable; they are the anointed of the Lord, if not with sacred oil, at least by virtue of their office. Their power is broad - based upon the Will of God, and not on the shifting sands of the people's will. They will be spoken of with becoming reverence, instead of being in public estimation fitting butts for all foul tongues. It becomes a sacrilege to violate their persons, and every indignity offered to them in word or act, becomes an indignity offered to God Himself.